At the Retirement Home

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says:

“Fellas, I got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.”

The second old man says:

“You think you have problems. I’m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps.”

Finally the third old man speaks up:

“Fellas: I’m ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up.”

Vocabulary Help

• porch – varanda
• retirement home – asilo
• get up – levantar
• try – tentar
• kind – tipo
• medicine – remédio
• bowels – intestinos
• stuff – coisas
• sharp – em ponto (afiado)
• wake up – acordar