As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.

(This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation)

What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.

(Lykes Lines Shipping)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.

Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.

(R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)

My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn’t edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.

(CIO of Dell Computers)

Quote from the boss:”Teamwork is a lot of people doing what ‘I’ say.”

(Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.

(AT&T Longe Lines Division)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying, “This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.”

(Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said,”If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!”

(New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

Vocabulary Help

  • able – capaz
  • believe – acreditar
  • boss – chefe
  • building – prédio
  • claims – afirma
  • company business – negócios da empresa
  • damaged – estragado, danificado
  • data – dados
  • employees – empregados
  • excuse – desculpa
  • go act busy – vá se fingir de ocupado
  • issued – emitido
  • need – precisar
  • people – pessoas
  • pictures – fotos
  • receive – receber
  • regarding – relativo a
  • senior management – alta gerência
  • soon enough – dentro do prazo
  • status report – relatório
  • subject – assunto
  • teamwork – trabalho em equipe
  • tomorrow – amanhã
  • unknown – desconhecidos
  • weekend – final de semana

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